February 24, 2024

Fruit, nuts, and the rare small creature allowed humans to thrive eons ago. This is no longer the case. Fast food, out of all the new foods we’ve invented since humans got bored with nuts, is the most distant relative of the prehistoric human diet. Even the hardest Oog would feel sick to his stomach at the sight of the towering burgers, mountainous salt, and puddles of melted cheese atop the troughs of french fries and dustbin lid pizzas.

The worst part is that people’s taste buds have changed to the point that the fast food classics of the 1950s no longer excite them. Something fresh, larger, and greasy is what our stomachs really want. Knowing their customers better than anyone, fast food restaurants have changed their menus to accommodate these new tastes.

As we rejoice (or lament, depending on your perspective) over the KFC Double Down’s comeback, we present to you a few more fast food monsters laced with steroids that will surely send you and your heart racing to the emergency room at the fastest possible pace.

10 Mars Bar with a Deep-Fry

It’s safe to assume that most people have heard of Scotland’s famed deep-fried Mars bar, but before we get into that, let’s have a look at how this super-chocolate is made. To begin, the Mars bars do not have their own dedicated fryer. To the contrary, it is dipped in the same oil as the sausages, chips, fish, and anything else they fancy that day. This candy bar is perfect for those times when you want something with a little salmon taste and batter coating.

9–The Double Bypass Burger at Vortex Bar and Grill

Fast food restaurants often experiment with new fillings for their burgers by focusing on the buns. But the trailblazing crew at Atlanta’s Vortex Bar chose to mess with the buns instead. In place of the traditional sesame bun, the Double Bypass Burger features two hefty grilled cheese sandwiches. To wrap his hands around the enormous girth of this cheese and beef tower and bite into it would require a man with shovel-sized hands. Let’s just use cutlery and spoons.

8 Crust filled with hot dogs

Pizza with a stuffed crust has been around for a while at Domino’s. Pizza crusts come in a wide variety of flavors from across the world, including the classic cheese variety as well as more exotic options like fried chicken, BBQ sauce, and many more. Nonetheless, Domino’s most recent offering—a crust stuffed with a succession of watery, rubbery frankfurters—clearly descended to the depths of complete lunacy. Has anyone ever tried pizza with a hot dog on top? No? Why, therefore, does Domino’s believe that if they bury it in the crust, we will suddenly fall head over heels for the concept? Embarrassing, Domino’s.

7 Burger King’s Pizza Burger

Burger King, the undisputed kings of all things beef, apparently set out to end the age-old pizza vs. abBurger debate by creating the Pizza Burger. The massive pattay is sliced into pizza-style pieces after being placed in a 9 ½” bun; it has a frightening 2500 calories. This massive sandwich is reportedly a hit with locals and visitors alike who are eager to experience the much-publicized gluttony of North America for themselves, even if it is only available at BK’s iconic Times Square burger bar in New York City at the moment. As a result, the dreaded tour is inevitable.

6 The Bacon-and-Peanut-Butter Milkshake from Sonic

Bacon and peanut butter is never a safe mix, no matter how careful you are. If you want proof, just look at Elvis Presley, who passed away at the young age of 42 from a huge heart attack.

But when you add up to six scoops of ice cream to a 25-ounce shake with these two flavors, you’re taking this calorie-laden concoction to new heights. There are four different sizes of the Sonic shake, and the biggest one has an incredible 1,720 calories, 118 grams of fat, and 128 grams of sugar. Saturated fat makes up an astounding 275% of the daily value, with 55 grams. Elvis, your time on this earth would be brief if you were alive right now.

5 The Big Fat Fatty Fat of Fat Sal

The Big Fat Fatty, well titled from its 10 pound weight, is by far the largest item here, provided by Fat Sal. Fat Sal, a famous figure in his native California, challenges his patrons to devour the behemoth in forty minutes or less. The price drops to $49.99 unless—very improbably—you manage to finish it.

In the 27-inch sandwich, you can find every savory and cheesy ingredient imaginable: five cheeseburgers, 1.5 pounds of pastrami, 1.5 pounds of cheese steak, ten rashers of bacon, ten chicken fingers, ten onion rings, ten mozzarella sticks, ten jalapeño poppers, five eggs, french fries, and a generous dollop of marinara sauce. To sum up, get ready to shell out fifty bucks.

4 The “Sunday Dinner” Burger from Annie’s Burger Shack

Around the world, from Fat Sal’s on the Golden Coast to Nottingham, Annie’s Burger Shack is known for its high-quality half-pound beef burgers topped with unique combinations of ingredients. With its unique twist on the traditional patty and the addition of Britain’s famed roast, the Sunday Dinner Burger stands out among these toppings as the most bizarre. Loads of delicious homemade gravy, roast potatoes, stuffing, vegetables, and a whole roast chicken breast top the burger.

Even though the burgers at Annie’s Burger Shack are so drenched in gravy that you’ll probably have to use a knife and fork to eat them, the fast food joint deserves praise for bringing a little American flair to the British fast food scene.

3 “Sloppy Joe” from Krispy Kreme

Although the idea of combining sweet and savory flavors is not novel in the culinary world, even the most ardent fusion food enthusiasts will be amazed by Krispy Kreme’s outrageous blend of beef, Sloppy Joe sauce, and cheddar cheese sandwiched inside one of their famed glazed doughnuts. This sandwich won’t win you over if Sloppy Joes aren’t your thing. The classic supper may lose its allure for you, even if you’re a fan, due to the doughnut’s appearance, which resembles an alien autopsy, spouting mincemeat.

2 Pizza in a Deep Fryer

The deep-fried pizza, another kind of roided-up Scottish fast food, is among the greasiest examples of convenience food you’re likely to meet. Consider the greasy puddle that would form after devouring a deep-fried pizza, as comparison to the snail-like trail of grease that normally remains in the box following a conventional oven-baked pie. Was the inventor, a chip store owner from Glaswegian, Scotland, planning to create this monstrosity the whole time, or did he have a divine intervention similar to Isaac Newton’s when he dropped the entire pizza into the deep fat fryer? We tend to lean toward the former since the pizza is initially covered in the customary “fish-style” batter for an extra crunch.

In if that wasn’t enough, most deep-fried pizzas come with a side of chips. Just in case you hadn’t eaten enough.

1 Pizza with Kebabs

Even though nobody knows where the Kebab Pizza came from, it is undeniably the best invention ever. Putting together this creative yet straightforward dish is as easy as layering a traditional Margarita Pizza with the fillings of a Doner kebab, salad, and chili sauce. Supposedly, one restaurant in Salford, Greater Manchester makes a kebab-pizza sandwich by stacking two pizzas on top of each other. No one knows how many calories are in this monstrosity, likely because most people would have a heart attack just thinking about it, let alone eating it.

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